Brandon Jackson

Adrian BeaterSon (144.84) vs. Better Call Wall (200.1)

First of all, sir, I am personally tired of seeing you win every time Derrick Henry goes nuclear. Every single time I see a crazy Derrick Henry run, I think of Ave. And I don’t like that.

Three quarters go by and it’s close, then all of a sudden Jesus walks on water and has 47 points. No one else does it like him in 4th quarters and especially overtime. I’m sick of it. It wasn’t even against me and I’m mad about it. I don’t have anything else to say about this matchup.

One guy has 25 percent of your points and it’s always him. When I saw you picked him Ave, I knew he’s probably going for another 2000 yards this year. Okay I’m done.

Sorry it had to be against you Max.

Josh Allen’s Big Hands (144.40) vs. Winner Circle Dak Back (122.86)

Underachievers everywhere in these two lineups. CMC is the only one that came to work, huh? A normal Dak game probably wins it for Eric, but that would mean more points for Amari Cooper, so who knows.

Nothing really exciting here, but I know that 0.4 hurts to see when there was 23 on the bench. Oh well.

Team Pezzato (159.74) vs. Team Hammered Shit (191.36)

Kyler and Kelce, sheesh. Even if Tua stays in the game here, it wouldn’t have mattered. Ryan overcomes Urban Meyer and 9 points from James Robinson and A Jarvis Landry injury to put up 191. Impressive.

Tyler Lockett is another guy that just randomly explodes (pause) every now and then, and he did here. Still wasn’t enough. Jonathan Taylor will be fine, but Edwards-Helaire is looking like last year (which I know is bad, because I had him). Glad I don’t still have him.

lil dickey (180.16) vs. AK-41 (163.84)

Well there was a chance Gary could win, but Aaron Jones took that chance, killed it, and danced on its casket. What I’m trying to say AK-41 is that Aaron Jones dropped an easy 41 points on your head.

I will say it again. Roethlisberger. Is. Cooked, fam.

If George Kittle had a pulse, you wouldn’t have even had to check the app Monday night.

But Brady will anchor your team because he is what aging gracefully looks like unlike the QB2 on the squad.

I got aggressive there to get some frustration off because…

Trey Area (173.92) vs. Jalen Hurts When I Pee (188.36)

This is karma.

I talked shit about the Buccaneer’s defense last week and if you look at the point totals, I lost because of the two pick sixes. 12 points for two touchdowns and 4 points for the two interceptions.

But there was more.

I choose to stan a rookie quarterback who’s head coach could literally at any minute have a heart attack (real or fake) and retire from coaching (again).

I watched Devin Singletary score 12 points on one play in the 1 o’clock games, and then Mike Evans decided to show up for one of his 4 relevant games this season during the 4 o’clock games.

But I’m not mad, I swear.